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The Quiet Power of Support: Learning to Help by Listening

Have you ever had that friend, the one who has – for as long as you've known them – seemed to be carrying a heavy burden? Something that just doesn't want to go away? I have that friend. We've worked together for several years. My friend has a lot going on in her life.

 

Been married over 30 years. Her spouse is at home with a disability, but not one that would make him unproductive; but he is... unproductive. She supports the family, sometimes working multiple jobs. She manages the household, the responsibilities, the opportunities, and the problems that come along with that.

 

I would imagine that, at times, it can be a very lonely existence.

 

She doesn't usually let people see behind the smile, to what is really going on. Every now and then, however, I have gotten a glimpse as she shares a short story or a challenge she's dealing with. It hurts. And I don't know how she carries it day after day. Well, I do; she has a strong faith.

 

But I want to jump in and fix the problem. I want to tell her what she should do to make her situation better.

 

But is that really helping? Is that making her feel better, or me? Is it my own helplessness that is inserting myself when and where it might not be needed? Or welcome?

 

But when is it okay to jump in and help?

 

Sometimes, I'm learning, that jumping in and helping doesn't look like it used to. Sometimes there is no quick fix.

 

Listening is jumping in and helping. Encouraging is jumping in and helping. Praying is jumping in and helping. And trusting that she will let me know when/if she needs something, that's the stuff real help is made of.

 

I'm growing to be that person. I'm learning to listen first. To wait. To encourage. We can embrace one another with simple kindness. I want to be the person that can set aside what I want or what I think and be the one who offers grace and love.

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